Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
