I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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