I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
