you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
