Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
