2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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