plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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