i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your penis caused this!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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