You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
