five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
