Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
