Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
