My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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