i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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