Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
