This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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