She is in my trunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
