i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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