if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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