literally had 100 drinks last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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