dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
