All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
