Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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