I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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