Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
