Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
