My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
