jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
