I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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