Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
