Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
