i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
