final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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