Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
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