I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
