your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
