Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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