I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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