Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
