no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
