So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are two peas in an std pod
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
