Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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