don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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