he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
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TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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