I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
