Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
