Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
