I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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