i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
