please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
