You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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