Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
3 2 1 whiskey
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
