isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
