Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize