Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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