Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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