Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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