Sry I called you an 8
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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