Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
