If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
