Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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