Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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