In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize