I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
organizing the empties. That sober.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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