Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
