he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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