There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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