Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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