paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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