Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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