Nicole vs. Life
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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