Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
