Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
