Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
